What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew about Sex- How it’s a Compliment to Her

I love receiving emails from husbands who want to improve sexual intimacy in their marriage.

We find ways to measure if the relationship is getting better.

Here are 3 specific things he wishes ‘you’ knew.


1. He wants you to be there- mind body and soul

What are the signs that you’re not showing up in your mind? You may be checking your to-do list in your head. You’re thinking about activities with the kids or the family vacation, and you’re not really present. He wants you to focus on everything good about the two of you being together at that moment.

God has so many blessings for sexual intimacy in marriage. Being fully present has to happen to become ONE.

2. He wants you to know what you want.

Knowing what you want may have been in your taboo zone, but when you are not engaged with him it sends a message of rejection. When you don’t know your preference for the sensations that you like and the pleasure you want, it could be doing more harm than you are aware of.

If you’re not sure of what you like he is willing to explore with you and help you find out. 😉

3. He wants you to tell him

When you don’t tell him it’s like you’re assuming he’s a mind reader. That creates frustration which will also create distance. It works against you when you can’t tell him what you like. If telling him feels awkward you can always show him. You can take his hand and guide him while he’s touching you. You can show which parts of your body you want to be touched with a unique intensity and frequency.

You are the best teacher for him and you want to be the only teacher for him about your body.

When you can tell him what you like, it opens the door to exploring new things. You can talk about it and anticipate what it might feel like. You will bond through that experience.

But there’s sometimes an awkwardness with talking about sex.

It’s caused by the culture we live in (with taboos) and also the church circles may make it difficult. That’s why I wrote the books, Why can’t I Talk to Him about Sex? and Why Can’t I Talk to Her about Sex?

These books will help you understand your perception of sex. There’s even a template to help you share with your spouse what you want them to know about you. Check it out:

Buy Here

How is this a compliment, to hear what your husband wants in sex?

Watch it HERE!

The compliment is: he wants you and no one else. He chooses you again and again.

What request do you struggle with most: (Please share in the comments.)

Being fully present

Knowing what you like

Telling (and showing) what you like

Midlife Sex- 3 Ways the Changes are Good for Your Marriage

Midlife brings new issues to every area of life, including sexual intimacy in marriage. While this may feel unwanted it could be very good for you. Follow me as I share.

3 WAYS MIDLIFE SEX CHANGES ARE GOOD FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

1. Acknowledge the issue

When you face the changes going on in your body, and realize there are challenges, concerns and unknowns, the situation is instantly better. You are NOT in denial. Instead, you are being intentional and proactive. That speaks new life and energy into your relationship.

WHEN YOU DESCRIBE YOUR OPTIONS AS ‘AGING OR NOT LIVING’, IT’S PRETTY EASY TO MAKE THE CHOICE.

Making the shift in your thoughts that aging is OK will help the process.

Acquiring new information decreases the unknown and reduces anxiety. Every issue is easier to face with less stress.

THERE ARE 5 COMMON PROBLEMS WOMEN FACE IN MIDLIFE SEX.

                1. Hormones fluctuate

Females encounter hormone changes their ENTIRE lives, from puberty forward. It includes monthly cycles, pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, and menopausal conditions like mood swings, hot flashes, and body sensitivity.

WHAT’S GREAT TO KNOW IS… YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

SINCE THESE ISSUES ARE SO COMMON THERE ARE TREMENDOUS RESOURCES AVAILABLE.

2. Vaginal dryness and loss of elasticity

These concerns may require changes in your lubrication practice and positions for intercourse. 

                3. Physical stamina, strength and joint ease

You have to let your spouse know what feels good. You can both make adjustments so your comfort is considered.

                4. Decrease in sexual desire and arousal

Your husband needs to know what is going on in your body is NOT about him. Even though you will both face the concerns together, he doesn’t need to sense your different feelings as rejection.

                5. Body image

Midlife means your body doesn’t look the same as when you were 20. There will be age spots, wrinkles, and alternations in your skin texture. Again, being able to accept this part of your aging will help.

Some couples believe they will get closer because they’ve been together for a long time. Although that is a sweet sentiment, on the other hand, some couples say they grow apart over time.

LONGEVITY DOES NOT GUARANTEE CLOSENESS.

You need to be intentional while making choices about your relationship.

2. Work through the conflict

Learning how to process the issues, and draw closer to each other, will be a great strength for your marriage, at large. The midlife changes are a gift in disguise.

You could choose to get mad, tough, hard, resistant, and independent. If your reactions are based on fear, it will take you on a path that is not helpful.

YOU CAN CHOOSE A DIFFERENT PATH THAT WILL DRAW YOU CLOSER.

This path includes trusting, getting vulnerable and soft, and growing towards each other even when it feels scary.

THIS CHOICE MAKES YOU STRONGER.

3. Compare to your faith walk  

As Christians, we are told we’ll experience trials in this life. We have choices about how we invite God to walk with us. You can get mad at God about the trials and say, “This isn’t fair! Why did you let this happen?”

It comes down to either-

PUSH AWAY FROM GOD OR PRESS INTO GOD

Pressing into God looks like, “I don’t understand but I trust you”. When you partner with God, you bring all of His goodness to the situation.

John 15:15 shows how love is shared between God the Father and God the Son, Jesus. HE wants to invite us into that beautiful place of love, trust and leaning into one another, too.

SEXUAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE IS THE BEST MODEL ON EARTH…

of the powerful give and take and leaning into one another, as Jesus gave Himself for the church, in love.

Your faith walk is drawing on God and NOT doing things in your own strength. Your intimacy in marriage is also drawing on your spouse and doing things on your own.

It can be difficult to make the shift from fear-based choices to love-based choices. I created Step into the Powerful You to help with this. Please enjoy this Relationship Development Guide. 

FREE Download: step into the powerful you

Watch ALL of the Real Talk for Real Love here!

 Which midlife body change has impacted your life the most? Please share in the comments. Your story can be a resource for others.

How to be Sexually Confident in Your Marriage


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What do Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy have to do with sex?

Childhood often provides a time of hope and expectancy. That’s where curiosity, fun, and playfulness come alive. Have you ever thought of those same traits as being powerful and meaningful to your sex life?

A sense of hope and expectancy can supercharge your intimacy in marriage.

If you did not experience innocence and wonder as a child or if you are like 3 out of 4 women who have known sexual dysfunction, trauma and abuse as an adult, then you have a burden that may have stayed with you.

It may be time for an ‘un-learning’ and a ‘re-learning’. 

What does a new understanding of sex look like?

Part of your healing process is to see how God sees sex. It’s a gift HE has designed for you in marriage to enjoy and celebrate.

Look back at the creation story in Genesis. What God made, HE said is good. It has His stamp of approval.

Consider these 3 ways God sees sex as a GIFT.

1. God made us in His image

2. He made us as male and female

3. Sexual intimacy mirrors the Bridegroom with the Bride

His desire for you is to know and enjoy oneness in sexual intimacy in marriage!

Share in the comments how you keep playfulness alive in your marriage.