So, What do you do?


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“So, what is it you do?”

I get asked this fairly often and I take it as a great compliment. I have a BIG heart for seeing women FREE, fulfilled, and loving themselves, as God does.

At the core of every relationship status- married and struggling, divorced and starting over, single and wondering, committed, yet wanting more- the key foundation is: are you KNOWN and LOVED?

We crave emotional connection.

Our very DNA was divinely wired for being loved.

If we sense that someone has invested their time, intention and care into our lives… we can do ANYTHING. That SUPPORT, personal VULNERABILITY, and COMMITMENT communicates:

—I matter.

—My thoughts, feelings and needs count.

—My life is valuable.

But, being KNOWN and LOVED by others, only happens when you first know and love… YOU!

***That’s what I do.***

I help women joyfully navigate the intricacies of being KNOWN and LOVED, so you can create relationships full of meaning and closeness.

My Relationship Coaching is open to ALL women, wherever they are in in their relationship status, who want:

  1. Freedom to accept, LOVE, and be themselves
  2. Super practical insight to COMMUNICATE clearly, even in conflict
  3. Healthy boundaries to HEAR, honor, and protect your heart

Through my Intrapersonal Realignment process you RELEASE the lies that limited you and REPLACE them with the truth of how your heavenly Father sees you.

Personal transformation is yours today, when you Know and Love yourself.

Upgrade Your Sex Life Book Study 1


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Upgrade Your Sex Life Book Study- Week 1:Why I chose this book, what my pushbacks are and the first 2 sexual expressions

Why I Chose this Book

Dr. Weiss’ information is groundbreaking in regards to descriptions of sexual expressions. He gives language to the delicate behaviors of sex with everyday examples. This fresh understanding removes the fear of the unknown, which reduces anxiety. It describes actions and motivations with an objective point of view. That creates a safer distance to examine personal hurt. When you recognize certain patterns, yet see they are not isolated to you or your sexual partner/spouse, it releases some of the sting. It’s also laid out in a way to study sexual behavior, identify your bent and your perspective, so you can apply practical tips to make changes… to Upgrade Your Sex Life.

What I Liked About the Book

1. It gives language to behavior. If you are hurt by someone else’s words or actions it’s hard to be objective and describe their behavior. It’s seen through the pain. Dr. Weiss’ descriptions provide nonbiased words to distinguish each innate sexual expression.

2. It emphasizes intimacy within sexual encounters over the actual act of sex. This means the goal of bonding, love, fun and mutual pleasure and meaning, trumps the physical sensation of sex.

3. It is NOT described in a graphic sexual way. It’s more about how emotional needs show up in a sexual context.

4. It is NOT a list of sexual acts or techniques. It’s a PG version of pleasurable touching.

5. The goal of upgrading your sex life is to create a loving, healthy relationship.

6. It focuses on key components that I highly agree with- integrity with sexual choices (includes purity in marriage), abstinence and obvious harm from pornography, and understanding and mutual agreement on sexual activities- with showing love as the purpose.

7. It has a great mix of solid background information (5 expressions), possible problems (3 roadblocks), and practical steps for change (applications for communication).

8. It has an explanation of the sexual expressions in a continuum, showcasing healthy but giving examples of what each sexual expression looks like in an immature demonstration.

My Pushback

1. It is not written with an overtly Christian perspective. Although Godly honor is represented there are no scriptures or references to a Christian framework for relationships. Dr. Weiss does partner with Christian media outlets though, through Healing Time Ministries and other sexual integrity groups like Bravehearts. We both presented in the 2018 Restored Summit with 70+ Christian leaders.

*This could prompt you in a good way, though. You may question what scripture is meaningful, that you base your understanding on. You may more quickly identify how scripture has been twisted in your past experiences when it is NOT included in any kind of shaming way.

2. It doesn’t include any additional obstacles faced by Christians because of messages embedded in church culture. That’s a very real thing; like “can I be ‘hot’ and ‘holy?’” and “I said no for so long before marriage, I don’t really know how to say ‘yes’ now”.

3. He refers to couples as partners and NOT spouses. His work is open to Christians and non-Christians, so his language in this book does not abide by the sex-in-marriage-only standard. I overlooked this to get to the heart of the message. I, though, talk only about sex between a married-to-each-other husband and a wife.

FUN as a Sexual Expression

 Do words like spontaneous, creativity and experimenting get your attention? Then, maybe FUN is your innate sexual expression. The goal of every new sexual activity is not necessarily adding more meaning or more pleasure. The goal is- will this be fun? It could be a very similar sexual act but in a new location.

Of course, on the immature side, that push for something new might include greater risks, even to illegal behavior. It also could seem selfish or demanding because their ideas are all they are focusing on, not their spouse’s well-being and mutual honor and pleasure.

DESIRE as a Sexual Expression

Do you want to be craved by your partner, starting sexual conversations outside the bedroom and building great anticipation? The DESIRE sexual expression totally enjoys the playful tease and touch throughout the entire day. They love to plan special time together with the whole mood in mind.

If this expression is not fully developed it may seem like the act of sex is a substitute for an overall emotional and sexual connection. The behavior could make sex seem shallow and their spouse might feel more like an object. Their way is NOT the right way. Blending both expressions is best.

 

More Sexual Expressions

How can you determine your innate expression and your spouse’s? The next blog post will cover the remaining three expressions and provide a brief ‘quiz’. Read it together, where ever your most intimate conversations happen, inside or outside the bedroom. Understanding is the goal. When you know and love yourself, you can be known and loved by others, especially your spouse.

Your Personal Pushback

Petrified? That’s the most common feeling when talking about sex. Maybe you are truly interested in learning more, but it just makes you uncomfortable. You know it’s stirring up lots of memories and mixed feelings. The thought of really diving deep (no matter how much you need to) is more than you can do on your own. It’s going to be okay. That’s what I’m here for.

I once was in your shoes, stuck in a cycle of sexual dysfunction. All of the components were there- other people’s behavior, mixed messages from the church, and my own low sense of myself. I was a mess for sure.

Father God walked me through a process of healing. I went from feeling invisible to living out loud. I can help you on your journey, too, as a woman or as a couple. Together, we can find your way to being heard, understood and loved.

Don’t let your past rob your future.

Set up a call today to see how you can Upgrade Your Sex Life, in a holistic way- spirit, soul, and body. https://calendly.com/mary-19/relationship-breakthrough-session

Upgrade Your Sex Life Book Study 2


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The 5 sexual expressions, written by Dr. Douglas Weiss, are as ground-breaking to sexual intimacy as the 5 love languages are to relationships. By recognizing your own tendencies in these objective descriptions, you will reduce your anxiety. There’s nothing like knowing you are not alone, your views are not ‘crazy’, and you can make all of the changes you desire.  

PLEASURE as a Sexual Expression

Do you enjoy learning about new techniques, like where to put your hands and what activities to combine together?  Do you see sexuality as an unlimited, multidimensional and ever-growing experience? Do you want to be understood and explored as a whole person with an entire range of sexual pleasure with your spouse? This might be your innate expression.

PATIENCE as a Sexual Expression  

Would your sexual experience be even better if there was a designated space, both in time set aside and in a very private location? Is the type of touch you like very light, almost barely there and possibly with an extended time for foreplay? Have you preferred an orgasmic encounter that’s based on consistency and reliability of motion and stimulation? This might be your innate expression.

A quick pushback on the name of this expression: out of the 5, this word doesn’t have the same positive connotation. Compare it yourself- fun, desire, pleasure, patience, and acceptance/celebration. Because of that and, in conjunction with the description, I propose we rename it to: gentleness. That seems more appealing than ‘patience’ but it still communicates a similar feeling. What do you think?

ACCEPTANCE/CELEBRATION as a Sexual Expression   

How does the thought of ‘all of me’ loving and being known by you, speak to you? How does it feel when your spouse doesn’t just ‘love’ you but also likes you and is proud of you? If given the choice, would you pick words of value and gratitude as a part of your sexual experience? This might be your innate expression.

Immature Expressions

All of these expressions also have immature counterparts. It’s typically selfish and even demanding. They may confuse sex for love. This unhealthy version could have been prompted by neglect, trauma, sexual abuse or addiction. But by using this information to grow in your understanding  (as an individual first),  you can still make the changes you want to… Upgrade Your Sex Life.

ROADBLOCKS to Healthy Sexual Expression

Stay tuned for the next post about possible Roadblocks that have gotten you stuck in your process. You may not be aware of past experiences that have hurt you. You may have buried them deep, but know they’re there. It’s time for your healing.  

 Your Personal Pushback

Petrified? That’s the most common feeling when talking about sex. Maybe you are truly interested in learning more, but it just makes you uncomfortable. You know it’s stirring up lots of memories and mixed feelings. The thought of really diving deep (no matter how much you need to) is more than you can do on your own. It’s going to be okay. That’s what I’m here for.

I once was in your shoes, stuck in a cycle of sexual dysfunction. All of the components were there- other people’s behavior, mixed messages from the church, and my own low sense of myself. I was a mess for sure.

From Invisible to Living Out Loud

Father God walked me through a process of healing. I went from feeling invisible to living out loud. I can help you on your journey, too, as a woman or as a couple. Together, we can find your way to being heard, understood and loved.

Don’t let your past rob your future.

Set up a call today to see how you can Upgrade Your Sex Life, in a holistic way- spirit, soul and body. https://calendly.com/mary-19/relationship-breakthrough-session

Upgade Your Sex Life Book Study 3


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Dr. Douglas Weiss’ book is nothing short of groundbreaking! Not only do the 5 sexual expressions (Fun, Desire, Pleasure, Patience/Gentleness, and Accept/Celebrate) provide objective descriptions, but there’s more support to find out WHY strains of immaturity are present. That’s today’s topic: Roadblocks.

Who Does This Apply To

There are some clarifications needed before the roadblocks are addressed. First of all, these roadblocks are not about interpersonal communication, meaning joint issues for both spouses. Second, if you recognize your own story here, take action. Third, if this seems to be your spouse, be supportive. Fourth, if your spouse does not take action, be ready to seek your own support to know how to manage your part of the marriage. Lastly, Roadblocks are typically from before your current relationship/marriage. Therefore, you are neither the cause nor the cure

Roadblock #1: Abuse

Abuse looks like MORE than the normal bumps of childhood. It can fall on either extreme: intentional and physical harm or neglect, even to withhold medical care. Parents themselves may be immature, addicted or suffer a mood disorder. In my words, they may be repeating how there saw their own parents react.

In an emotional setting, parents may create an environment that isn’t safe for sharing feelings or being honest. They may not support the uniqueness of their child… you. This can be communicated verbally (ridicule, control) or nonverbally (silence, avoidance).

Sexual abuse causes feelings of worthlessness, shame, fear, lack of trust, and compensation through over performing and over-giving. I’d add ‘over-explaining, over-apologizing, and overly taking responsibility for faults and tasks that are not your own’.

Sexual abuse also affects sexual behavior on both extremes; from hypersexual to diminished desire to totally disconnected, even a fantasy or blank state of mind. 

Sexual neglect towards a child or adolescent looks like NOT providing appropriate information and education on ~body changes, ~the meaning of sex, ~the standards of your family or culture, and ~the relational aspects of sex, i.e. we show love and commitment as a husband ad wife in our marriage through sexual intimacy. 

If the effects of sexual abuse is NOT addressed it will: LIMIT how you give and receive Inside and Outside the BEDROOM.

Roadblock #2 Addiction

All addictions rob the emotional, spiritual and moral development. All addictions rob the emotional, spiritual and moral development. All addictions rob the emotional, spiritual and moral development.

That is worth repeating. It doesn’t matter if it’s alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, or shopping. The addict:

·         Emotes like a 13-15 year-old

·         Can’t define right from wrong

·         Cant’ take responsibility (for self)

·         Lives in a fantasy world

·         Thinks they can do as they please, without consequences

But in recovery, after moving from immature to healthy, they can connect and have even greater sex!

Sexual Addiction

·         Limits the ability to be authentic

·         Includes pornography, masturbation, sexting and hookups

·         Causes comparison which creates dissatisfaction

It can bring about:

·         Betrayal (there’s a struggler and a partner)

·         STDs

·         Job loss, financial loss

·         Erosion of family

Roadblock #3 Anorexia

Although we typically think of this term in regards to an eating disorder of withholding food, Dr. Weiss has coined a term, intimacy anorexia.  One partner withholds emotional, spiritual or sexual intimacy. The partner feels alone, disconnected, unnoticed, and unwanted.

How does it happen? Distance is created by:

·         Being busy – with work, kid’s projects, even helping at church

·         Speaking blame – I’m doing these things because of you

·         Withholding love and praise

In general, this partner is UNABLE to share feelings with their partner. In general, this partner is UNABLE to share feelings with their partner. In general, this partner is UNABLE to share feelings with their partner.

Yes, this is also worth repeating. This kind of distance is NOT just a certain personality type that has a problem opening up. It is also NOT because they don’t know how or they are afraid. It is an intentional withholding.

It may be the most noticeable in:

·         Criticism

·         Anger/Silence

·         Money usage that is manipulated

·         Roommate Status – with no blow-ups, but also no closeness

Ho w to Resolve

I disagree strongly with Dr. Weiss on how to bring recovery to this issue. I won’t even state his suggestions. I employ 5 R’s to bring healing.

1. Recognize impact (You have to acknowledge what is happening.)

2. Release lies/wounds (Your identity and value has been jeopardized by this hurt.)

3. Replace with God’s Truth (You can choose what God promises and the love HE has for you.)

4. Restore wholeness (You create a new lifestyle of choices that honor you.)

5. Reclaim identity (You see and receive the power and blessing of being God’s child.) 

Your Power in Your Sexual Intimacy

Learning how to be responsible for what you want in your sex life, what asking for sex looks like (in a healthy way), and applying practical phrases for being a clear communicator are the last thoughts we’ll cover. This is the practical application of the entire book. Don’t miss next week’s video or blog!

 Your Personal Pushback

Petrified? That’s the most common feeling when talking about sex. Maybe you are truly interested in learning more, but it just makes you uncomfortable. You know it’s stirring up lots of memories and mixed feelings. The thought of really diving deep (no matter who much you need to) is more than you can do on your own. It’s going to be okay. That’s what I’m here for.

I once was in your shoes, stuck in a cycle of sexual dysfunction. All of the components were there- other people’s behavior, mixed messages from the church, and my own low sense of myself. I was a mess for sure.

Father God walked me through a process of healing. I went from feeling invisible to living out loud. I can help you on your journey, too, as a woman or as a couple. Together, we can find your way to being heard, understood and loved.

Don’t let your past rob your future.

Set up a call today to see how you can Upgrade Your Sex Life, in a holistic way- spirit, soul and body. https://calendly.com/mary-19/relationship-breakthrough-session

 

 

 

Upgrade Your Sex Life Book Study Week 4


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Dr. Douglas Weiss bookends this work with ground-breaking insight. To open, he describes the 5 sexual expressions: Fun, Desire, Pleasure, Patience, and Acceptance/Celebration. (You have to read the other blogs to find out which one I renamed.) To end this book, he compares the development of a sexual adult, sexual adolescent and a sexual child. These are not physical age groups, but emotional ages. It’s absolutely fascinating and eye-opening. Again, these descriptions will help you so much as you lean into objective conversations to gain understanding with your spouse.

Let’s dive in!

Did you know you not only CAN ask your spouse for sex, but it’s also very helpful and empowering when you do. But, it’s often avoided because of so much clutter in our cultural practices. Truly, if you never learn it’s okay (even GOOD) then you probably have not learned HOW.

The bottom line is: Unspoken is Unclear

How do you ASK for sex?

1. Use “I” statements (I’d like to be intimate, fool around, make love, have sex…)

2. Be clear (Don’t ask: do you want to go upstairs?)

3. Use eye contact (especially while you are practicing this skill.)

How do you RESPOND to the ask?

1. Don’t stay neutral. (okay, fine, sure)

2. Be positive (Great! Awesome! You bet! Love to!)

Now that you know HOW, whose responsibility is it to ask?

Sexless marriages often happen because couples get stuck in a cycle of hurt-distance-busy-cool down-talk-sex. That can be extremely frustrating, especially if the cycle takes weeks. That’s a lot of time for resentment to build – and temptations to meet needs in other ways.

In the meantime, the negative self-talk goes crazy: I feel rejected, unwanted, ugly and fat! Why go there when you don’t have to?

There is NO one right person to do all of the initiating. It’s just what you both agree upon.

And now for the finale, the other ground-breaking bookend.

Sexual Interaction on Different Developmental Levels

Development as a Sexual Adult

1. Accepts themselves, is comfortable in who they are ALL day, not just when the clothes come off

2. Able to be sensitive to partner

3. Maintains and protects integrity in the marriage (no outside parties)

Development as a Sexual Adolescent

1. Mostly in it for ‘me’ and not ‘us’

2. Unaware of their partner’s needs, desires or sexual expression

3. Gets mad over having to have sex, being expected to have sex, when they can’t have sex (due to the partner’s illness, pregnancy, etc.)

4. Conversations are immature, almost like cheap locker room talk

Development as a Sexual Child

1. Don’t see themselves as a sexual being, it’s something they have to do

2. Rarely initiate sex

3. Rarely talk about sex

When it comes to initiating sex, here’s what you need to know.

NOT initiating communicates:

I tolerate sex. I don’t need sex. I don’t want you. You’re fat (or some other negative message.)

Whereas, initiating sex says:

I am wanted. I am attractive. I am valued. I am important. I turn them on. They matter.

Wow! What a difference!

If you want your spouse to feel loved, initiate sex. Bottom line. 

Your Personal Pushback

Petrified? That’s the most common feeling when talking about sex. Maybe you are truly interested in learning more, but it just makes you uncomfortable. You know it’s stirring up lots of memories and mixed feelings. The thought of really diving deep (no matter who much you need to) is more than you can do on your own. It’s going to be okay. That’s what I’m here for.

I once was in your shoes, stuck in a cycle of sexual dysfunction. All of the components were there- other people’s behavior, mixed messages from the church, and my own low sense of myself. I was a mess for sure.

Father God walked me through a process of healing. I went from feeling invisible to living out loud. I can help you on your journey, too, as a woman or as a couple. Together, we can find your way to being heard, understood and loved.

Don’t let your past rob your future.

Set up a call today to see how you can Upgrade Your Sex Life, in a holistic way- spirit, soul and body. https://calendly.com/mary-19/relationship-breakthrough-session

Boundaries: How to NOT be Influenced by Someone Who is NOT in Your Safe Circle


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It happens. Times with family. Acquaintances who are pushy. Fan crush without the relationship.

Use this Boundary Checklist to see whose words have permission to affect your heart.

Boundary Checklist

1. Do you have a history of a good relationship?

2. Do you trust they have your best interest in mind?

3. Is it a two-way street; you both give and receive?

4. Do you have similar values?

5. Do they walk in integrity?      

If the answer is NO to 3 or more, find a loving way to NOT receive their information and/or influence.

Try these “I hear you, but…” replies.

Gentle Redirections   

1. Thank you for thinking of me.

2. I appreciate your time to connect.

3. It’s kind of you to reach out to me.

4. I’m seeking what God wants to do in this.

5. I hear what you’re saying.

6. I’m looking for the BIG picture.

7. There are many ways to handle the situation.

8. There are lots of layers to this.

9. I’m not in a rush about anything.

10. Thank you for sharing.

REMEMBER, they want to engage you.

If you start reacting to the thoughts they shared, you will get drawn in. Then, it becomes confusing. It seems like you want to receive MORE. They will misunderstand it.

Your BEST plan is to relay a single comment, excuse yourself, and WALK AWAY. You must exit. You must LEAVE the conversation. That is the toughest part, but it is the most honoring to you both.  

Walk away to clearly set the tone.

Allow into your heart and life, the words and actions you trust. The safe circles can change and be adjusted at times, but it always includes relationships based on respect.

How does the Super Bowl Half-Time Show Impact Your Sex Life?


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Let’s Talk about IT!

There’s one thing you might not know that could cause you to grieve even more. (It’s closer to home than any other issue.)  

The LIV Super Bowl Half-Time show happened last night. It is affecting our culture today. Let’s speak out and be a voice for holy sexuality.

Let’s be a part of the SOLUTION.  

Yes! We saw entertainment that was inappropriate for children. (Even though children were included. )

Yes! This type of dancing degrades women and healthy, Godly sexuality.

Yes! These images contribute to sexual exploitation.

It can also be said though, that the performers are highly talented, and as individuals are worthy of value and God’s love. They are merely products of our culture, following the social trends of the day. Knowing this is the norm for our society can grieve our hearts for sure.  

But how does this impact the Christian marriage– between husband and wife?

From my experience, as a relationship coach and a leader in the church since the 1980s, Christian couples are both uninformed and misinformed about healthy, Godly sexual intimacy in marriage.

So how will the Half-Time show impact a multitude of Christian marriages (maybe even your own)?

1. They will be repulsed, angered and judgmental. All of their “NO-s’ will be reinforced.  

2. They will be mildly intrigued, curious and swayed. Their standard for morality isn’t secure.

3. They will be shamed again for their past experiences.   But not willing or able to get help.

4. They will shut down their sexual expression with their own spouse. You can’t be ‘hot’ and holy.

Why do Christians struggle with healthy and Godly intimacy in marriage?

1. They spend a lot of time and energy countering the world and their own past.

2. They trip up on sexual messages embedded in church culture that have been twisted.

3. They CAN’T TALK OPENLY with their spouse about sex.

4. They don’t have a foundation of trust, vulnerability and commitment.

5. They have no idea how to apply verses like Hebrews 13:4 in a practical way.

The good news is:

1. Healing, freedom and joy in intimacy is available.

2. Emotional intimacy can be learned.  

We will ONLY change the sexual climate if we speak out.

The images you saw at Half-Time are truly disturbing. But there is so much more at stake.

The images you are not seeing (the hurt, dysfunction and trauma in bedrooms of Christian married couples) is devastating heartbreak. That is what you can truly grieve.

We have HIS love yet we don’t know how to bring it into our most intimate connections.   

That’s why I created Limitless Intimacy, LLC, to bring healing and joy to the sexual soul. Father God’s love is limitless.

HE wants the very best for us.

When we release the hurt, lies and shame and replace it with His love and truth, we restore His design for intimacy and reclaim ALL HE has for us. Then, we overflow His love and reconcile others.

Please reach out if this speaks to you.

Do you want personal healing? We can talk.

Do you want to bring this message of healthy intimacy God’s way to your group? Let’s talk.

Let’s be the SOLUTION. Let’s talk.   

Valentine’s Day Won”t Fix the Hurt in Your Marriage


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Don’t expect Valentine’s Day to fix your hurt!

Neither one of you can make-up for sharp words or walls built for self-protection by one dinner out or one array of flowers.

Pretending it didn’t happen (for that one day) is not reality either.

What you could say is: Hey, I know things aren’t great right now, but I still want to be with you. I want to make a place for ‘us’.

Then, agree on a time to have a talk about what’s going on – a different time than your Date Night.

It’s amazing how that simple act will diffuse anxiety and then you really can enjoy (at least a bit more) the expected Valentine’s Day activity.

Nobody is a mind-reader.

~You don’t know his fears (if what you see is anger).

~He doesn’t know your hurt (if what you show him is distance).

Your goal is NOT 💯 agreement.
Your goal is understanding.

Understanding only comes through connecting with intentional words and your whole person.

The good news is: you can be heard, understood and loved.

It just takes a willingness to heal and a commitment to learn communication skills.

God’s love is limitless. HE’ll walk you through every step.

To build connection in simple steps you can do daily, try the 30-Day Marriage Challenge. You can find in in the Free Resource section of my website https://marywhitmanortiz.com/books-and-resources

If you’d like more one-to-one support, the Love Sense Questionnaire and Coaching Session is amazing. I’m offering it as a Valentine’s Day Special Feb 19, 2020. Check that out here

https://marywhitmanortiz.com/love-sense-special

Remember, you can be heard, understood and loved.

I have a Confession


Confession Time. I have CCD.

You may not have heard of it before. It’s Creative Compulsion Disorder.

The symptoms include having a notebook or recording device on my person at all times to CAPTURE the ideas that pop up in my head and won’t leave me alone until I put them in a SAFE place.

It also means when I go from one room to the next I’m super INSPIRED to start a new project.

Case in point:

I walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I want to add some lemon or peppermint oil to my glass.

 My oils are stored under my bathroom sink. When I pull out the container I see some other baskets with hair products that are DISLODGED. I know there’s a better way to store them, so I start to REARRANGE them immediately. But, why stop there?

There are several bottles way too low and should be PITCHED. My bathroom waste basket needs to be emptied before I start filling it up with new trash. I think I’ll take it straight to the can outside.

Beside me always is my Miniature Schnauzer, Niki. He wants to go outside as well.

On the way back from DUMPING my wastebasket in the large can near the garage, I notice my landscaping. There are a few strands of monkey grass that have yellowed. I reach down to POP them out at the root.

Looking up to see where Niki has WANDERED to, I notice some twigs that have fallen in the yard as well. I SCOOP them up as I call him to go inside.

Back in the house I realize I’m THIRSTY. I go to the kitchen for a drink and remember I’d already poured myself a glass.   I look at the time and realize I have an appointment coming up SOONER than I thought.

I quickly sort the bathroom items, maybe not as ROBUSTLY as I originally planned, and tidy up the bathroom.

Then I put some peppermint in my glass. By this time, my mind has deliciously WANDERED as I’ve loosely MEDITATED on a Proverb I read earlier to ‘guard your heart’.

I JUMP up to write about something very deep.

As a child I never knew I was RESPONSIBLE for my heart, my whole person. My heart was not my own, in that others in my family DOMINATED the atmosphere with their emotions and I always felt PREY to their whims.

Only in the last 7 years have I begun to see and UNDERSTAND how that affected me.

By now I’m caught up in deep awe and APPRECIATION of being rescued from that system and mindset.

 I marvel at God’s goodness. I’m so thrilled for the FREEDOM I know. I want to share this. It moves me in a POWERFUL way.

 I return to my computer to expound from this soft place of REFLECTION and contemplation. All is well with my soul. I feel His PLEASURE as I write, creating a path for others to know freedom.

***My second confession is I thought I created this ‘disorder’.***

But I googled it after I wrote the above scenario. It turns out others have used it. I read their stories and was INSPIRED again to celebrate the Father’s design on my life, which led to more writing. And, now I need more water.

Time for the truth.

My Masters degree is in Gifted Education. I went back to school later in life when I had to re-establish my IDENTITY. I learned about myself, life and how to TRUST God at new places, out of desperation and dependence.

It was a GODSEND how I even ended up in Tuscaloosa, at The University of Alabama, was able to pass the MAT, and survive a TORNADO in only two months. But that’s another story.    

My point:

Celebrate YOU! Your uniqueness is a GIFT to you and the world. We need you to be you.

—And if you get thirsty… bring a notebook.  

The Best Way to Rebuild Your Identity


You look in the mirror and try to block out the crushing words you just heard, from your loved one. But the same ole thoughts rise up anyway, “I can’t believe they just said that… again! What’s wrong with them? Don’t they know that hurts my feelings?” But in conjunction with that, however, a deeper, less conscious message is replaying. “I guess I deserve that. What’s wrong with me? I’m such a failure.”

 

This cycle of negative messages received and then internalized, limits how you see yourself and how you enjoy life. You may only have brief moments of happiness and feeling free to be yourself. The rest of the time you’re squashed under the weight of someone else’s expectations. And you never seem to be… ENOUGH.

What if there was a way to release all of those harmful and degrading messages? What if you could see yourself differently and get back to the dreams you once held for your life?

It’s possible.

Acknowledging your feelings and facing your fears by yourself is overwhelming at the least, and even if you do allow those honest moments to happen… then what? It can be draining and more frustrating if there’s no idea how to get past it.

But if it’s done with a professional coach, who can guide you to a place of strength and restoration, you are NOT alone or without a PLAN.

To release the lies and replace them with God’s truth about who you really are is transforming and completely empowering. It realigns your heart and identity. Out of the ashes, your restored being (spirit, soul, and body) rises to embrace the gifts in your life that you previously may not have had the energy or motivation to pursue. You have what it takes to finally love freely, give freely, and enjoy true connection.   

Self-Value Transformation Empowerment Day

This all happens during an ALL day coaching session- “Self-Value Transformation Empowerment Day”.  It’s held at a relaxing, beachside setting in Jacksonville Beach, FL or virtually, at your convenience, via SKYPE. And, there is a pre-call to set up the day, plus 3 follow-up calls and 3 months of unlimited email access to support you as you apply your new understanding and self-value mindset.

Also, for clients who are interested, Inner Healing Prayer Ministry can be incorporated into your program, to invite Jesus into your healing process.

There’s even more to consider, so please go to http://www.marywhitmanortiz.com/self-value for all the details. Let’s book your day and bring transformation, healing and freedom to your heart and relationships.