emotional distance

When Pleasing Others Sells Your Soul

This is not the story I always dreamed of writing. But it is the story that needs to be told.

 

I found myself deeply buried in a cycle of being in the dog house because I wasn’t pleasing to my husband. It’s not that I spent too much money. It’s not that I was a nag. No, my ‘dog house’ sentence was because I didn’t want sex the same way he did.

 

I resisted sex. Not because I didn’t like it. My hormones were A-Ok. My female plumbing was in great condition. No, I resisted sex because I felt so belittled and used. There was no closeness, no warmth, and no sweet words. It was ALL about a physical act with a biological result. I was just a body; actually, I was his body. He told me that Scripture said I belonged to him.

My body was not my own, so I was obligated to fulfill his demands.   

 

During sex, I had to disassociate from being there.  I had to perform to be a pleasing, godly wife, but he didn’t want my heart.   How could I please him AND protect my heart at the same time? I couldn’t.

 

The day after didn’t provide a warmth or closeness, either.  Yes, there was the chemical release that made me feel drawn to that moment, but that was secondary. The primary focus was on the short-lived period of being free of his demands and able to think for me.

 

Unfortunately, when his sex tank was full I was then displaced, not pursued, and not needed.

And although the break was something I lived for, at the same time the dismissal was devastating. His absence interpersonally communicated rejection and abandonment. I wasn’t wanted. How could I be happy about being unwanted?

 

And so my perpetual doghouse lifestyle continued… damned if I did and damned if I didn’t.

 

Later it was revealed he had a clinically diagnosed addiction to porn. That explained a lot. His lack of intimacy was conditioned by the interaction he had with internet porn. Real people and real relationships require connection. Images on a screen do not.  

 

God walked me through much recovery and healing. I found a way of living that embraced my own heart, provided FREEDOM to be all God called me to be, and opened doors for the true love I had longed for, for decades.

 

My story goes from dark to light. Will yours?

 

I help women embrace God’s design for love, sex, and intimacy. This includes recovery from sexual trauma and dysfunction. If your story is at all like mine, let’s find a path to your wholeness together.   

 

There is a place of peace and confidence in God that says, “I am beautiful and chosen in Your eyes.” Through Inner Healing Prayer Ministry and other tools you can embrace your beautiful and strong heart.

3 Signs Your Relationship is Stagnant or Worse

We were created for RELATIONSHIP.

It’s in our DNA to be known and loved, by God’s design for us.

Relationship affects EVERY area of your life, from a casual EXCHANGE at the grocery check-out, to important CONVERSATIONS with your children’s teachers, and ultimately, with intimate CONNECTIONS that are based on vulnerability and trust.

Sometimes relationships feel like something is just ‘off’ or there is a missing piece. Other times there is deep and almost debilitating HURT. The wounds are so powerful they shut you down and CHANGE the course of your life…forever.

Do you want to get it together before a potential PROBLEM begins or increases?

What areas of pain are in your life right now?

  1. Emotional DISTANCE, lack of connection, or awkward and uncomfortable settings where you don’t click, and may even be prompted to pull away.

  2. Unpleasant COMMUNICATION filled with surface or social talk (only), negative words and belittling tones, or a downward spiral of accusations and intentionally harmful arguments.

  3.  Substitutes for relational INTERACTION from ‘good busyness’, to choosing distractions because you’re in denial, or finally succumbing to addictive behaviors that attempt to fill a void.   

These scenarios can play out in a million ways, but what’s at the core? How do we SOLVE THE PROBLEM?

Let’s start where we have the most power. Who are YOU?  

  1. Do you acknowledge and VALIDATE your own thoughts, feelings and needs?

  2. Do you know how to EXPRESS your innermost ideas? When? To Whom?

  3. Do you have an UNDERSTANDING of your identity, purpose and plan?

***You are ½ of every relationship.***

When you are clearer, stronger and freer, in yourself, you will bring a more POWERFUL person to the table.  Your side, fully empowered, will affect every motivation, choice and interaction.

You, KNOWING AND LOVING yourself, because your heavenly Father first knew and loved you, will bring wholeness, peace and honor to your relationship.

Just how different and amazing is that?!

If you need to work through emotional DISTANCE, unhealthy COMMUNICATION, or relational SUBSTITUES… let’s start with YOU.

I love partnering with women on their journey to IDENTITY, FREEDOM, AND DESTINY. If this speaks to your heart, take action today.

---You are worth your love, time and attention.

 

---Your relationships are ready for FREEDOM and WHOLENESS.

 

---The world awaits your gifts, as you step into your God-given DESIRES and DREAMS.

 

Together, we can create a path to the Beautiful and Chosen YOU.

To learn more, contact me today for a FREE 30 minute Discovery Call.

hello@marywhitmanortiz.com

*** Let’s find and celebrate the TRUE YOU!***