self-awareness

Assertiveness Tips that Bring Clarity and Kick Fear OUT of the Picture.

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When delicate issues arise, that you REALLY want to talk about, it helps to have a clear plan. Part of that is settling some vulnerable areas in yourself, first. Fear maybe lurking around (disguised as anxiety, hurt or even resentment) and it will skew all of your attempts to clarify. No one likes to be on a ‘runaway feeling train’ so let’s see how tapping into God’s limitless love will bring peace, direction, and favor.

The Assertiveness Journey Helps You Know and Love Yourself.

1. Know What You Want

Although this may seem like a silly point, it is a great starting place. Step outside of the emotional turmoil caused by the tension in the relationship, and ask yourself what you’d love to see happen. Picture it vividly. Get in touch with the great feelings that come from this positive place. Journal the idea to keep it fresh, as a focal point.

2. Give Yourself Permission to Want It

This is where the confusion may lie. Have you put your desires at the bottom of the list, after everyone else… but you still want MORE from your relationship? That’s when resentment creeps in and you can feel justified to stay there. Let your self-awareness rise-up to pinpoint what mixed messages you’ve internalized about ‘you’ receiving what’s good for you. By the way, this is not a selfish practice or goal.

3. Settle the Fear Issue

When questions arise, when control is gone, when doubts get loud, we are walking in fear. It’s not all ‘bad’, but we want to get on the healthy side. Here’are a few reminders: You’re only responsible for you. You’re not a mind reader, and neither is he. Quit playing both sides of the conversation in your head. That closes the door and creates distance and more fear before you even start.

4. Establish Your Self-Value and Identity  

You have a choice about how you see yourself. It can either be God’s way or the way of the world, filled with junk. That may seem blunt, but if you want transformation, that’s the truth. It takes a little digging to discern what messages are building you up and what you need to let go of, but it’s worth the work. Restoring your self-value frees you to love courageously, to see the best in everyone, including you.

5. Ask for Your Wants (with Understanding as the Goal)

Growing closeness in the relationship means you want to share what’s going on inside of you, bringing some missing information to the communication. Find the best setting for you both. Use a supportive tone. Select nonjudgmental words, preferring more “I feel…” statements to open up vulnerability, empathy, and intimacy. Ask for him to listen. Be ready to really hear him in return.

Women Who Take Action Change Their Relationships.

If you’re a woman who ‘has it ALL’, but your relationships are more disconnected than close, you’d trade everything just to recreate the magic, especially in your marriage. Thankfully, there are powerful communication tools that will bring clarity, kick out fear, and revitalize true connection. Let’s talk more and see how Relationship Coaching will open the door to ‘Limitless Intimacy’ and  courageously loving in your marriage.

When Your Normal is 'Off' How is Your Relationship Impacted?

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Let's say you have a new influence on your every day life. Maybe your in-laws are visiting, your husband is out of town, or your child is sick. Those can all be stressors. You love the people in your life and want to be there for them, but if your ‘normal’ is off, you need to something about it. Something healthy and good.

First, identify that you don’t feel like yourself.

You need to separate your feelings from the actual events that are taking place. Are you sad about being ‘left out’ of a fun trip (even if it's for his work)? Are you irritated about having to give up your plans to provide the extra comfort your child needs? Are you frustrated that your husband slips back into ‘son’ role when his parents are in town and he minimizes his interaction with you?

Next, determine what you want to do about the situation.

Do you want your husband to listen and validate your feelings? Do you want him to brainstorm with you for some ‘us’ time even during this 'off' season? Do you want him to hear your heart while you repent for some selfishness or insecurity?

Last, find a way to include him in your journey.

Should you dump your rambling thoughts while the emotion is still intense? Should you tell him you need to ‘talk’ knowing that might make him ill at ease in anticipation? Should you diffuse yourself, share a snippet, and set-up an agreed upon time to share?

Relationships are living entities, forever changing, adjusting and providing opportunities for vulnerability and trust.

The process starts with getting your 100% value and identity from God. Then, you have to know and love yourself. After that, if mutual respect and understanding is the goal, you can find a healthy choice that keeps your emotional intimacy close.

Choosing to learn, while you’re in the middle of an ‘off normal’ season, is the hope that pulls you through to the next better place in ‘us’.

Be Brave!