5 Reasons Sex Might Be a Battlefield in Marriage


sex a battle.png

Christian sexuality in marriage is more than two bodies coming together.

But what if you never got clear on what you wanted and you didn’t have a real conversation with your spouse about sex. Unrealistic expectations and myths about instant ‘good’ sex can be a big disappointment.

On my latest YouTube video, I explore 5 reasons sex might feel like a battle in your marriage. The biggest surprise is maybe you didn’t ask:

How does God see sex?

Learn tips to understand sex in Christian marriage, create easy dialogue with your spouse, and get the marriage (and sex life) you wanted when you said: I Do, by subscribing for Friday videos.  

Enjoy watching Mary Whitman Ortiz – Christian Sex Education’s BOLD voice for freedom, pleasure and oneness. Say, “NO!” to the taboo and “YES!” to the gift!

Should Christians Talk about Sex?

When couples don’t talk about sex, shame stays alive. Parents unknowingly pass down their fears to their children. Those fears can shut down the conversation in the marriage, but also in the church. Hear specific ways Christians should talk about sex more in the home and the church.   

On this YouTube video, I explore 3 reasons Christians don’t talk about sex. It includes the role of your childhood family, the local church, and the #1 cause you might not be aware of. Share your answer in the comments: Why do Christians need to talk about sex?

Learn tips to understand sex in Christian marriage, create easy dialogue with your spouse, and get the marriage (and sex life) you wanted when you said: I Do, by subscribing for Friday videos. 

What’s “OK” for Your Married Sex Life?


what's ok for Christians.png

Do you struggle to know what’s ‘off-limits’ in your married sex life?

Most Christian couples want to honor God but it seems like there are gray areas in the Bible. How can they determine the specific activities that will be pleasurable and also within the scope of acceptable behavior?

There are 3 main questions to consider.

  1. Is it mutually agreed upon?

  2. Is it respectful for both spouses?

  3. Does it fall in line with Scriptural principles?

What about ‘press the envelope’ activities?

Although the Bible is very clear about “Thou shalt not commit adultery” in the Old Testament and in the New Testament, “whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Mt 5:28), there are lots activities not mentioned.

3 Taboo areas to discuss with your spouse are:

Learn guidelines to help you choose so both partners experience mutual satisfaction and respect.

What activities are you considering to add to your married sex life but you’re not sure how they fit with God’s guidelines? Please share in the comments.

Midlife Sex- 3 Ways the Changes are Good for Your Marriage

Midlife brings new issues to every area of life, including sexual intimacy in marriage. While this may feel unwanted it could be very good for you. Follow me as I share.

3 WAYS MIDLIFE SEX CHANGES ARE GOOD FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

1. Acknowledge the issue

When you face the changes going on in your body, and realize there are challenges, concerns and unknowns, the situation is instantly better. You are NOT in denial. Instead, you are being intentional and proactive. That speaks new life and energy into your relationship.

WHEN YOU DESCRIBE YOUR OPTIONS AS ‘AGING OR NOT LIVING’, IT’S PRETTY EASY TO MAKE THE CHOICE.

Making the shift in your thoughts that aging is OK will help the process.

Acquiring new information decreases the unknown and reduces anxiety. Every issue is easier to face with less stress.

THERE ARE 5 COMMON PROBLEMS WOMEN FACE IN MIDLIFE SEX.

                1. Hormones fluctuate

Females encounter hormone changes their ENTIRE lives, from puberty forward. It includes monthly cycles, pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, and menopausal conditions like mood swings, hot flashes, and body sensitivity.

WHAT’S GREAT TO KNOW IS… YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

SINCE THESE ISSUES ARE SO COMMON THERE ARE TREMENDOUS RESOURCES AVAILABLE.

2. Vaginal dryness and loss of elasticity

These concerns may require changes in your lubrication practice and positions for intercourse. 

                3. Physical stamina, strength and joint ease

You have to let your spouse know what feels good. You can both make adjustments so your comfort is considered.

                4. Decrease in sexual desire and arousal

Your husband needs to know what is going on in your body is NOT about him. Even though you will both face the concerns together, he doesn’t need to sense your different feelings as rejection.

                5. Body image

Midlife means your body doesn’t look the same as when you were 20. There will be age spots, wrinkles, and alternations in your skin texture. Again, being able to accept this part of your aging will help.

Some couples believe they will get closer because they’ve been together for a long time. Although that is a sweet sentiment, on the other hand, some couples say they grow apart over time.

LONGEVITY DOES NOT GUARANTEE CLOSENESS.

You need to be intentional while making choices about your relationship.

2. Work through the conflict

Learning how to process the issues, and draw closer to each other, will be a great strength for your marriage, at large. The midlife changes are a gift in disguise.

You could choose to get mad, tough, hard, resistant, and independent. If your reactions are based on fear, it will take you on a path that is not helpful.

YOU CAN CHOOSE A DIFFERENT PATH THAT WILL DRAW YOU CLOSER.

This path includes trusting, getting vulnerable and soft, and growing towards each other even when it feels scary.

THIS CHOICE MAKES YOU STRONGER.

3. Compare to your faith walk  

As Christians, we are told we’ll experience trials in this life. We have choices about how we invite God to walk with us. You can get mad at God about the trials and say, “This isn’t fair! Why did you let this happen?”

It comes down to either-

PUSH AWAY FROM GOD OR PRESS INTO GOD

Pressing into God looks like, “I don’t understand but I trust you”. When you partner with God, you bring all of His goodness to the situation.

John 15:15 shows how love is shared between God the Father and God the Son, Jesus. HE wants to invite us into that beautiful place of love, trust and leaning into one another, too.

SEXUAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE IS THE BEST MODEL ON EARTH…

of the powerful give and take and leaning into one another, as Jesus gave Himself for the church, in love.

Your faith walk is drawing on God and NOT doing things in your own strength. Your intimacy in marriage is also drawing on your spouse and doing things on your own.

It can be difficult to make the shift from fear-based choices to love-based choices. I created Step into the Powerful You to help with this. Please enjoy this Relationship Development Guide. 

FREE Download: step into the powerful you

Watch ALL of the Real Talk for Real Love here!

 Which midlife body change has impacted your life the most? Please share in the comments. Your story can be a resource for others.

Midlife Sex- 3 Ways the Changes are Good for Your Marriage

Midlife brings new issues to every area of life, including sexual intimacy in marriage. While this may feel unwanted it could be very good for you. Follow me as I share.

3 WAYS MIDLIFE SEX CHANGES ARE GOOD FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

1. Acknowledge the issue

When you face the changes going on in your body, and realize there are challenges, concerns and unknowns, the situation is instantly better. You are NOT in denial. Instead, you are being intentional and proactive. That speaks new life and energy into your relationship.

WHEN YOU DESCRIBE YOUR OPTIONS AS ‘AGING OR NOT LIVING’, IT’S PRETTY EASY TO MAKE THE CHOICE.

Making the shift in your thoughts that aging is OK will help the process.

Acquiring new information decreases the unknown and reduces anxiety. Every issue is easier to face with less stress.

THERE ARE 5 COMMON PROBLEMS WOMEN FACE IN MIDLIFE SEX.

                1. Hormones fluctuate

Females encounter hormone changes their ENTIRE lives, from puberty forward. It includes monthly cycles, pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, and menopausal conditions like mood swings, hot flashes, and body sensitivity.

WHAT’S GREAT TO KNOW IS… YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

SINCE THESE ISSUES ARE SO COMMON THERE ARE TREMENDOUS RESOURCES AVAILABLE.

2. Vaginal dryness and loss of elasticity

These concerns may require changes in your lubrication practice and positions for intercourse. 

                3. Physical stamina, strength and joint ease

You have to let your spouse know what feels good. You can both make adjustments so your comfort is considered.

                4. Decrease in sexual desire and arousal

Your husband needs to know what is going on in your body is NOT about him. Even though you will both face the concerns together, he doesn’t need to sense your different feelings as rejection.

                5. Body image

Midlife means your body doesn’t look the same as when you were 20. There will be age spots, wrinkles, and alternations in your skin texture. Again, being able to accept this part of your aging will help.

Some couples believe they will get closer because they’ve been together for a long time. Although that is a sweet sentiment, on the other hand, some couples say they grow apart over time.

LONGEVITY DOES NOT GUARANTEE CLOSENESS.

You need to be intentional while making choices about your relationship.

2. Work through the conflict

Learning how to process the issues, and draw closer to each other, will be a great strength for your marriage, at large. The midlife changes are a gift in disguise.

You could choose to get mad, tough, hard, resistant, and independent. If your reactions are based on fear, it will take you on a path that is not helpful.

YOU CAN CHOOSE A DIFFERENT PATH THAT WILL DRAW YOU CLOSER.

This path includes trusting, getting vulnerable and soft, and growing towards each other even when it feels scary.

THIS CHOICE MAKES YOU STRONGER.

3. Compare to your faith walk  

As Christians, we are told we’ll experience trials in this life. We have choices about how we invite God to walk with us. You can get mad at God about the trials and say, “This isn’t fair! Why did you let this happen?”

It comes down to either-

PUSH AWAY FROM GOD OR PRESS INTO GOD

Pressing into God looks like, “I don’t understand but I trust you”. When you partner with God, you bring all of His goodness to the situation.

John 15:15 shows how love is shared between God the Father and God the Son, Jesus. HE wants to invite us into that beautiful place of love, trust and leaning into one another, too.

SEXUAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE IS THE BEST MODEL ON EARTH…

of the powerful give and take and leaning into one another, as Jesus gave Himself for the church, in love.

Your faith walk is drawing on God and NOT doing things in your own strength. Your intimacy in marriage is also drawing on your spouse and doing things on your own.

It can be difficult to make the shift from fear-based choices to love-based choices. I created Step into the Powerful You to help with this. Please enjoy this Relationship Development Guide. 

FREE Download: step into the powerful you

Watch ALL of the Real Talk for Real Love here!

 Which midlife body change has impacted your life the most? Please share in the comments. Your story can be a resource for others.

What’s “OK” for Your Married Sex Life?


what's ok for Christians.png

Do you struggle to know what’s ‘off-limits’ in your married sex life?

Most Christian couples want to honor God but it seems like there are gray areas in the Bible. How can they determine the specific activities that will be pleasurable and also within the scope of acceptable behavior?

There are 3 main questions to consider.

  1. Is it mutually agreed upon?

  2. Is it respectful for both spouses?

  3. Does it fall in line with Scriptural principles?

What about ‘press the envelope’ activities?

Although the Bible is very clear about “Thou shalt not commit adultery” in the Old Testament and in the New Testament, “whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Mt 5:28), there are lots activities not mentioned.

3 Taboo areas to discuss with your spouse are:

Learn guidelines to help you choose so both partners experience mutual satisfaction and respect.

What activities are you considering to add to your married sex life but you’re not sure how they fit with God’s guidelines? Please share in the comments.

Should Christians Talk about Sex?

When couples don’t talk about sex, shame stays alive. Parents unknowingly pass down their fears to their children. Those fears can shut down the conversation in the marriage, but also in the church. Hear specific ways Christians should talk about sex more in the home and the church.   

On this YouTube video, I explore 3 reasons Christians don’t talk about sex. It includes the role of your childhood family, the local church, and the #1 cause you might not be aware of. Share your answer in the comments: Why do Christians need to talk about sex?

Learn tips to understand sex in Christian marriage, create easy dialogue with your spouse, and get the marriage (and sex life) you wanted when you said: I Do, by subscribing for Friday videos. 

5 Reasons Sex Might Be a Battlefield in Marriage


sex a battle.png

Christian sexuality in marriage is more than two bodies coming together.

But what if you never got clear on what you wanted and you didn’t have a real conversation with your spouse about sex. Unrealistic expectations and myths about instant ‘good’ sex can be a big disappointment.

On my latest YouTube video, I explore 5 reasons sex might feel like a battle in your marriage. The biggest surprise is maybe you didn’t ask:

How does God see sex?

Learn tips to understand sex in Christian marriage, create easy dialogue with your spouse, and get the marriage (and sex life) you wanted when you said: I Do, by subscribing for Friday videos.  

Enjoy watching Mary Whitman Ortiz – Christian Sex Education’s BOLD voice for freedom, pleasure and oneness. Say, “NO!” to the taboo and “YES!” to the gift!