With a touch on the “send” button the text conversation was officially over, but internally it lingered much longer. “Did she even say hello? Or ask how I was doing? How long has it been since we ‘talked’? Does she only contact me when she wants something?” These questions nagged at my thoughts. I was feeling used and hurt and not sure what to do about it.
Communication in relationships is tricky to read.
One thing I’ve known for a long time is there are certain people I would like to feel closer to, than I currently do. I value them, respect their talents and interests, and in general, I like them as individuals. We have some history together and it makes sense for there to be a significant relationship. But there isn’t. I don’t always want to face it. It stings to know I want more from the relationship than they do. How do I process that truth without receiving it like a proclamation of rejection?
Personality type and emotional freedom play a huge role in relationships.
It helps to try to understand where the other person is coming from. Is their life crazy busy with commitments and stress? Are they in an age bracket more prone to distance or independence? Is it their nature to be abrupt and not touchy-feely? Have they had major transition or trials from which they’ve not recovered? Could there be an issue they have not disclosed and are choosing to not confront you with, or are they oblivious as to how they are handling the relationship? True, we probably won’t know the whole story until they share their side, but it does soften the intensity to realize, it might not all be about… me.
Managing and releasing emotional pain helps us keep our outlook in check.
The first step to taking care of pain is always to acknowledge what’s going on inside of you. How can we understand others until we try to understand ourselves? The second step is to let the pain surface. Suppressed or avoided issues do not go away on their own. The third step would be to validate what you are feeling, uncomfortable as that may be. After that, you decide what to do. The pain, like a wave, won’t stay around unless you create an anchor for it in your thoughts. But, if you choose to release it, it will flow in a different current. Then, you can incorporate gratitude or prayer to help you substitute a new positive action for every time the pain wave wants to roll through your thoughts again.
Keep your heart ready.
As you are mindful of your own feelings and the appropriate distance you may need to create, there is also part of you that may need to stay alive to them. Yes, miracles do still happen. One day they may soften their heart, get over their issue, or in general realize they’ve missed out on connecting with you. If you’ve become so rigid towards them (possibly harboring a lot of resentment or unforgiveness) you won’t be able to re-activate to a new and improved relationship status. It would be sad to miss out on being close to this person because you locked them out without saving a key to that door. So, hold your heart, ready for love in the best possible ways. You will know it when you feel it. It will be worth it when it comes. But in the mean time, hold your heart.
Coaching provides safety and courage.
I am honored to walk with you on your journey if you would like someone to hold a beautiful space for your thoughts. These issues are delicate and sometimes we just choose to walk away instead of face them and grow through them. If you are done with being stuck in that pattern of hurt, let’s do something about it. Contact my office (904)718.8943 and together we can create a plan to love your heart, to be free from the hurt that binds, and to shine in your divine design. The world is just waiting for your gifts. And, remember the best you is the TRUE you.