My dad left when I was 12, but had been emotionally gone for years before that. My mom was super caring and giving to what seemed like the entire city, but never let her walls down to be close to me.
I just wanted somebody to really KNOW me and SEE me and WANT to be with me.
So, it would come as no surprise to hear I dated… A LOT! I was looking for attention and affirmation and validation for who I was.
I was a Christian and really loved God, but this whole concept of knowing your IDENTITY in Christ just wasn’t a part of my inner life.
And then I got married.
I had all of those same NEEDS. I had incredible high EXPECTATIONS for a Christian marriage. I was completely lacking in communication and relationship SKILLS.
Add to that my former husband’s addiction to pornography and it’s easy to see how BROKENNESS grew in me over the years.
The intimacy I completely ACHED for was nowhere to be found. I began to think it wasn’t real and would NEVER be a part of my life.
I thought, “Why don’t you LOVE me? What’s WRONG with me? When will I finally be good ENOUGH for you?”
My pain was primarily caused by feeling I WASN’T loved. My healing began when I desperately leaned into God to meet that unspoken NEED.
~I didn’t know how to trust Him.
~I doubted that I was worth it.
~I wanted to believe that He wanted me personally.
And eventually, by His tender care, it happened. I finally felt truly and completely loved.
*The key to my healing and wholeness was in UNDERSTANDING that the enemy had been sending me lies all of those years. He was the one telling me I was rejected and abandoned. Every time I believed those lies, I was REINFORCING them.888
God’s truth was not just that I was accepted by Him. It was that I was Chosen and Valued by Him. He raised my inner status to that of a much-loved and beautiful daughter. When I internalized His message of TRUTH, everything CHANGED for me and how I saw myself.
~That’s how I was able to go from a broken shell of a woman to someone who actually LOVES herself.
~That’s how I was able to RECOGNIZE, ATTRACT and SUSTAIN a beautiful connection of intimacy with my husband today.
That’s why I do what I do.
Healthy intimacy, in every way, is God’s design for you. The healing and wholeness that HE BROUGHT to me, HE can BRING to you also,
Don’t give up! You are LOVABLE! The new you is on the way!