I love receiving emails from husbands who want to improve sexual intimacy in their marriage.
We find ways to measure if the relationship is getting better.
Here are 3 specific things he wishes ‘you’ knew.
1. He wants you to be there- mind body and soul
What are the signs that you’re not showing up in your mind? You may be checking your to-do list in your head. You’re thinking about activities with the kids or the family vacation, and you’re not really present. He wants you to focus on everything good about the two of you being together at that moment.
God has so many blessings for sexual intimacy in marriage. Being fully present has to happen to become ONE.
2. He wants you to know what you want.
Knowing what you want may have been in your taboo zone, but when you are not engaged with him it sends a message of rejection. When you don’t know your preference for the sensations that you like and the pleasure you want, it could be doing more harm than you are aware of.
If you’re not sure of what you like he is willing to explore with you and help you find out. 😉
3. He wants you to tell him
When you don’t tell him it’s like you’re assuming he’s a mind reader. That creates frustration which will also create distance. It works against you when you can’t tell him what you like. If telling him feels awkward you can always show him. You can take his hand and guide him while he’s touching you. You can show which parts of your body you want to be touched with a unique intensity and frequency.
You are the best teacher for him and you want to be the only teacher for him about your body.
When you can tell him what you like, it opens the door to exploring new things. You can talk about it and anticipate what it might feel like. You will bond through that experience.
But there’s sometimes an awkwardness with talking about sex.
It’s caused by the culture we live in (with taboos) and also the church circles may make it difficult. That’s why I wrote the books, Why can’t I Talk to Him about Sex? and Why Can’t I Talk to Her about Sex?
These books will help you understand your perception of sex. There’s even a template to help you share with your spouse what you want them to know about you. Check it out:
How is this a compliment, to hear what your husband wants in sex?
Watch it HERE!
The compliment is: he wants you and no one else. He chooses you again and again.
What request do you struggle with most: (Please share in the comments.)
Being fully present
Knowing what you like
Telling (and showing) what you like
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